


It's Always Been You

by SharkGirl



Series: SouRin Week Sep 2015 [6]
Category: Free!
Genre: Cliche, Day 6, Day 6: Confession, Day 6: Memories, First Love, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Sappy, Sappy Ending, SouRin Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4823183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkGirl/pseuds/SharkGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke reflects on all his missed opportunities and regrets never telling Rin how he felt.</p><p>Written for Day 6 of SouRin Week, Rock: Memories and Aiko Desho: Confession</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

> Be prepared for the sappiest, fluffiest thing. I'm sorry, you guys...I don't know what happened. ^^;  
> Day 6~ I can't believe this week is almost over!  
> No beta this time (cuz I was writing it up until the last minute)

Sousuke lay on the bottom bunk staring up at the metal slats above him.  He’d been doing that a lot lately.  Lying on Rin’s bed while the redhead was out for a jog or getting a few extra laps in after practice.

He would stare into space and think about everything that had happened:  Rin finding out about his injury and lost scholarship, competing in a relay and understanding the meaning of swimming together, what the future had in store…

But Sousuke would also think about the past.  About lost opportunities and how he never said what he really wanted to say to Rin.  The whole time they’d known each other, he’d been holding back.  Not in a sweet, caring, motherly way like Tachibana did for Nanase, but because he was scared, afraid of being rejected.

How many times had he let the redhead slip through his fingers?  Too wrapped up in his own insecurities to tell the other how he felt?

The first time was back at Sano, when Rin declared that he was going to form a relay team with some really talented guys from Iwatobi.  Sousuke knew that Rin wanted to swim as part of a great relay team like his father had done.  And he also knew that he was not the kind of person Rin needed on that team.  They were too similar, too competitive.  They were rivals, not friends.

So, why did it hurt when Rin said he’d be leaving him?

The words had barely popped into his head before he dismissed them.

This was Rin’s dream.  He couldn’t stand in the way just because he might get lonely without him.  So, he said nothing and wished the redhead luck.

Not long after, Rin decided that he was going to study abroad, train in Australia and get closer to his new dream of competing on the World Stage.

Sousuke had been hoping that the other boy would return to join him in middle school, not that he’d ever say it out loud, of course.  So when Rin told him about his new overseas adventure, the brunet couldn’t help, but feel that same sense of rejection bubbling up inside him.

_‘Don’t go.  Stay with me.’_

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t say them.  Instead, he reminded the redhead of their bet and how he still owed him that favor, gave him a fist bump and waved as the bus drove away, taking his best friend with it.

Rivals.  Friends.  Either way, Rin was his everything 

It wasn’t until Sousuke had stopped receiving letters from Rin that he realized what those feelings were.  The disappointment, the jealousy, the burning need to see him and the way he always wondered what the other was up to…  He’d walk up to the mailbox and try his best not to get his hopes up.  Even so, when he opened the box and saw no letter from Rin, it hurt.

Was Rin not thinking about him?  Had Rin forgotten him?

Sousuke told himself that the other was in a slump.  His last letter had informed him of the strength and speed of the other boys in the training camp, so maybe he was busy trying to catch up to them or crying about how he wasn’t nearly as good.

Yes, Rin crying…that was feasible.

Still…Sousuke longed to hear from Rin.  He knew now that his feelings were more than just that of a rival.  More than just that of a friend, even a best friend.

He loved Rin.

And he wanted to make sure the other’s dream came true.  So, he kept it to himself.

When Sousuke found out about his shoulder, it crushed him.  He felt a weight on his chest so heavy he thought he might never take a full breath again.

His dream.  The same as Rin’s.  It wasn’t going to happen.  It was never going to happen for him.

Even though he hadn’t seen or heard from Rin in months, it felt like the redhead was even farther from him now.

At least when they shared the same dream, Sousuke had something Rin wanted.  A rival.  Someone to push him forward.  But if he admitted it to himself, he already knew who Rin saw fit to be his only rival…

That seemingly apathetic hydromaniac from Iwatobi.  Sousuke had gotten the pleasure of competing against him in middle school.  The guy was good, there was no doubt about that.  But he didn’t have the same passion Rin did.  There was no way he would be a suitable rival for him.

But how could Sousuke ever be suitable again?  Who was he kidding?  He was broken, useless…there was no way he could tell Rin.  How could the redhead ever accept him now?

He decided that, even if he wasn’t going to reach his goal, even if he wasn’t the kind of man he wanted to be, he would still go and see Rin.  He wanted to swim one last time with that redheaded ball of sunshine with the infectious smile and adorable crying face, not that he could tell him that last part without Rin bursting into embarrassed or indignant tears.

But when Sousuke saw Rin again, the happy, smiling boy he remembered was almost unrecognizable.  He could barely pull himself out of the water.  Had he given up?  Was he hurt, too?

Sousuke rushed to talk to him, to figure out what was wrong.  But what he saw shocked him even more.  Rin had always been open about his feelings, wearing his heart on his sleeve and his emotions on his face.  But the redhead had never been as volatile as this.

Was he broken, too?  Was the dream over for both of them?

Then Sousuke saw the reason behind it all.

Nanase and his little band of happy-go-lucky swimmers.

They’d poisoned Rin’s better judgement by telling him he needed others to swim his best.  That was lie.  Rin was best on his own.  You didn’t need friends to swim.  It was all about your strength, your talent, your drive.

So why did Rin look revived after swimming with them?

Sousuke found out just what it felt like a year after that.  The excitement of waiting for your turn to dive.  The rush of your teammates calling for you, cheering you on.  The amazing sight he’d never seen before.

So this was teamwork.  This was what Rin had tried to teach him all those years ago. 

And, still, even after all of that, Sousuke was unable to tell the redhead his feelings.

He sighed and looked back up at his bunk above him.  Rin would be back soon.

Then Sousuke heard the telltale beep as Rin ran his keycard through the reader.  The deadbolt automatically shifted to the side with a metallic clank.  The taller man stood up and busied himself with sorting through the homework on his desk, knowing full well he’d completed the assignments hours ago.

“You still up?” Rin asked as he walked into the room, drying his hair with a towel.  He smelled like his sakura shampoo that Gou had gotten him, saying it suited him perfectly.  He’d complained about it and made a fuss, but he still used it.  And she was right, after all.

“Yeah, just getting ready to hit the sack,” Sousuke said, setting his papers down.

They stood there in silence for a moment.  Ever since regionals, Rin had avoided the subject of Sousuke’s shoulder.  Afraid to bring it up.  But the taller man knew when he was thinking about it, though, because the redhead would suddenly grow quiet, his face pensive.

“Any plans for the break?” Sousuke asked, trying to continue the conversation and make things a least a little less awkward.

“Oh, yeah,” Rin walked over to his own desk and picked up an envelope, turning it over in his hands.  “My old coach from Australia wants me to pay him a visit,” he explained.  “It’ll be good to see Russel and Lori, too,” he added with an affectionate smile.

“That’ll be nice,” the brunet said, walking over and sitting on Rin’s bed.

“Hey, if you’re going to go to sleep, get on your bed,” Rin frowned at him.  Sousuke did that every time, too.  “Anyway, they sent two tickets,” he started.  Sousuke felt his pulse quicken.  “I’m thinking about asking Haru to go.”  As soon as he got his hopes up, they were dashed.

Nanase?  Again?

“He really needs to get his shit together, you know?” Rin continued, oblivious to Sousuke’s silent reaction.  “He’s got all this natural talent, but none of the drive to get where I know he could,” he sighed.  “He’s not like you and me,” he added affectionately, turning toward Sousuke.  But when their eyes met, the redhead frowned.  “Sousuke?”

Shit. Just what kind of face was Sousuke making?  Was it too late to put on a mask of indifference?

“That fish-brained idiot doesn’t know how good he has it,” Sousuke said quickly, eyes darting to the side.  That would do.  Rin wouldn’t understand the dual-meaning.  And it was true.  Nanase didn’t realize how amazing his natural talent was.

“Is everything alright?” Rin walked over and sat next to Sousuke on the bed.

_‘No, everything is not alright.’_

But Sousuke didn’t say those words.

“Everything’s fine,” he lied.

_‘Why him?  Why not me?  Take me.  Choose me.’_

“I’m just a little tired,” Sousuke said.  Rin opened his mouth to say something, but then he added, “And sore,” a large hand coming to grip his injured shoulder.  It was cruel to do that, to bring up the thing he knew Rin wouldn’t talk about just to end the conversation.

“You know,” Rin began, leaning back and supporting himself with his arms, crimson gaze drifting up to look at the bunk above them.  “You were my first choice,” he said, surprising the brunet.

“Was I now?” Sousuke swallowed, recovering quickly.

“Yeah,” Rin admitted.  “I wanted to show you all the places I liked to go in Sydney,” he chuckled.  “There’s this restaurant downtown that has the best pork you’ve ever tasted,” he smiled, head still tilted back.  “But you’re harder to figure out.”

“What?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Haru, he’s easy,” Rin explained.  “If I can show him just a glimpse of what being on the World Stage looks like, I’m sure he’ll realize his dream,” he paused and finally turned to look at Sousuke again.  “You, on the other hand…” he trailed off, gaze dropping to the floor.  “I don’t know how to…I mean…” he snorted and shook his head.  “I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

They sat there in silence for a bit.

“If I-” Sousuke began, only to fall silent again.

“If you?” Rin looked at him, head cocked to the side.

“If I said I wanted to go with you,” the brunet tried again.  He didn’t give Rin a chance to respond.  “Never mind,” he stood up quickly, nearly bumping his head on the top bunk.  “Forget I said anything,” he added and walked over to the door.

“Sousuke, wait!” Rin called after him and the taller man froze, hand reaching for the doorknob.  Sousuke heard the bedsprings whine as the redhead stood up and the soft padded footfalls of his socks on the hardwood floor.  “You want to go?” he asked, voice sounding smaller than Sousuke had ever remembered hearing it before.

“Always,” Sousuke said, barely above a whisper.  “I’ve always wanted to go,” he sighed and then turned.  “But that’s not right,” he shook his head, cerulean eyes softening as he looked at the shorter man in front of him.  “It’s not that I always wanted to go, but that I always wanted you to stay.”

“Sousuke…”

“That’s why you should take Nanase,” he continued.  “He pushes you forward, gives you something to chase and I…” he swallowed.  “Since the beginning, all I’ve ever wanted was to hold you back.”  He was only just now realizing it.  He wanted Rin to move forward and achieve his dream, which was why he never voiced his own desires.  Because those desires to keep Rin near him would only hinder the redhead.

“Sousuke,” Rin’s eyes softened.  “What the Hell are you even saying?” he shook his head with a gentle smile.

“I’ve been selfish all these years,” the taller man sighed.  “Always wanting to have you near me, getting jealous of Nanase and the others, wishing I could be the one to bring out your full potential,” he chuckled darkly.  “I’m such a-”

“How have you ever been selfish?” Rin closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Sousuke’s waist and resting his head on the taller man’s chest.  “You may not have pulled me, but you were always pushing me,” he whispered.  “And, you know,” he chuckled, breath warming the front of Sousuke’s shirt, “that kind of sounded like a confession.”

“What did?” Sousuke asked, feeling his cheeks heating up.

“What you said,” Rin pulled back and looked up at him.  “Always wanting to have me near you?” he flashed a sharp-toothed smile.  “It almost sounds like you’re in love with me,” he started out in a teasing tone, but finished shyly, eyes looking to the side.

“And what if I am?” the brunet said and Rin’s head snapped up.  He’d already admitted to everything else he’d been keeping in for years, may as well tell Rin the rest.  “Rin, I-”

“If this is a joke…” Rin glared up at him, tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes.  Sousuke sighed and leaned down, resting his forehead against the shorter man’s, eyes slipping closed.

“Would I joke about something like this?” he breathed, the scent of Rin’s sakura shampoo filling his nostrils. 

“Sousuke…” Rin hiccupped.  It seemed like there was no avoiding those tears.  “Sousuke, you stupid…” he sobbed, hands reaching up to grip the front of the taller man’s shirt.  “How long?” he asked.

Sousuke thought about it.  Looking back, it felt like there was never a time when he didn’t love the energetic redhead who lived his life the way he wanted, driven by his dreams and powered by his tendency to romanticize everything.

“It’s always been you,” Sousuke admitted, lifting a hand to cup the other man’s cheek.  “I’m sorry I haven’t said anything until now.”

“Sousuke,” he looked up with watery eyes. 

“I love you, Rin,” he moved his hand to tilt redhead’s chin up.  “I’m sorry,” he said and kissed him, tasting the salty tears on the other’s soft, warm lips.  But then he felt the hands on his chest pushing him away.  He broke the kiss and frowned.  “Rin-”

“You’re sorry?” Rin lifted his brows.  “What the Hell, Sousuke?” he growled. 

“I know, I shouldn’t have tried to force my-”

“You’re such an idiot,” the shorter man smacked the side of his head.

“Ow, Rin, what the-”

“Don’t apologize for loving me,” he clenched his teeth and looked to the side, his face turning red.  “Of all the stupid things to say…”  Rin shook his head.  “Damn.”

“My bad,” Sousuke said and then laughed.  It was like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.  He’d finally told Rin everything and the other man hadn’t run away.  He was still there.  But Sousuke had to know.  “What about me?” he asked.  Rin looked up at him, his cheeks darkening further before he looked back down.  “Do you love me?”

“Idiot…” Rin muttered under his breath.

“Is that a ‘no’?” Sousuke raised his brows.  Rin opened his mouth, but Sousuke continued.  “You don’t have to answer me right away,” he said.  “And you don’t have to change your plans either,” he went on.  “You can still take Nanase with you and help him realize his dream,” he chuckled, “With that thick skull of his, he’ll need all the help he can get.”

“Sousuke…”

“And when you come home,” he smiled, brushing his thumb against Rin’s cheek, “I hope you’ll have an answer for mmm-” but Rin was kissing him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him close.  When they broke apart, they were both panting.  “Rin…you…”

“I love you,” the redhead gasped out.  “I love you, you stupid, uncommunicative moron,” he laughed and nuzzled his cheek.  “And when I come home, we’re going to talk about everything,” he added.  “No more keeping things from me, okay?”

“Yeah,” Sousuke smiled.

“And while we’re at it,” Rin continued, “is there anything else you’ve been hiding all these years?” he asked.  “No secret family two towns over?” he chuckled.  “No girlfriend back in Tokyo?”

“No way,” Sousuke shook his head.  “Rin, there’s no one else for me.”

“Good,” the shorter man kissed him again.  “Because for me, it’s always been you.”

**Author's Note:**

> That was so fluffy...I apologize. I meant to make it angsty, but then...oops.
> 
> Also, Day 7 is already done...I want to post it so badly, but I'll wait until tomorrow. Pirate AU is coming up next...I'm so excited~ ^^v


End file.
